i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i came on her dog
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
