I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
