Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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