I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
