I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
