Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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