you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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