i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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