Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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