remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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