ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
