why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
that may or may not have been my penis.
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