It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You smell like stripper and shame
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
