Are we in a gay sports bar?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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