hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Someone signed my nipple.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
