i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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