we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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