i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
