just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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