I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
