she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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