Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
