She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
