There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We are all done wearing pants today
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
