I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
