nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
