Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
