in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
