I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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