i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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