I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
