this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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