I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
