I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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