So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I touched a dick in church today
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
