I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
