Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want to make out with him forever
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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