I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Couch. On fire.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
