OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
