god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm always down for nudity.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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