I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize