Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
