I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Panties = found
Randomize
