my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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