I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
PANTIES FOUND
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