Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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