it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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