Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
