At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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