She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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