I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
