I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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