Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
