i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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