I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
