I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
