Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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