im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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