So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
