im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just pee around me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
