I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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