u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
