No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
