My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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