i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
