im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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