Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
