It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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