Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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