Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
