you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
