she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
