I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
