Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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